There's been a lot on my mind lately, and I cant even begin to skim the surface here. But I will share this:
When I came out as gay at fifteen years old, I was confronted by family members who accused me of "having penis envy" and questioning if I was Trans. It caused a lot of anxiety and fear, and even some resentment. At that time, I don't think I really even understood what Transgender meant... But I didn't believe that I was, and didn't want other people to think that either.
I didn't like the way I felt in tight "women's" clothing. I also didn't like being sexualized by men. Especially grown ones who would make comments about "what a waste it was that I was gay." I found comfort in loose jeans and baggy button ups. I felt like... me.
Still, I didn't want to be mistaken for "that." So I wore tighter clothes, and I tried to be "less gay." I took a guy (granted he was a totally hot gay one, *wink wink* Nathan Mckellips) to my Junior prom. I wore a dress, and he wore a tux... and I remember feeling really uncomfortable.
For a long time I think I avoided trying to understand the "T" in my community, because I was afraid that understanding might shed some sort of light on yet another secret that I didn't know I was keeping.
But as I got older, I realized that I wasn't Trans. I was just a confused little lesbian trying to force myself into a predetermined stereotype that society had set for me.
And my fear and refusal to educate myself about the Trans community meant that I was actively neglecting and repressing my own brothers and sisters. I didn't "envy" anything. I loved being a girl. I just didn't want to "dress like one." I hated having to wear a dress. But our Trans brothers and sisters are facing obstacles in life that the rest of us will NEVER understand. We couldn't possibly. It's so much deeper than we could ever fathom.
I share this tonight, because it has taken me well into adulthood to actively fight for my Trans family. And that's what we are... A family. Everyone on the queer spectrum, and everyone else as well. We're all a part of the human race.
We don't have to "understand" someone to accept them as they are. And we don't have to "understand" something to know it's worth fighting for.
is a writer, artist and human/animal rights activist based in Echo Park- Los Angeles, CA. The Stephens College graduate loves poetry, camping with her rowdy friends and tequila of many varieties.