The day will still be long if you laugh or if you cry.
Whether you wake up or not, the sun will always rise. History is being made whether or not you choose sides. So love yourself and be the change you want to see. They’ll tell you all the things they think you want to hear. Dig through your darkest secrets and exploit your every fear. Put you through far more than you should face in so few years. So love yourself and be the change you want to see. There’s still so far to go to achieve true equality. And far too many people are sleeping on our streets. A mother lost her child today. Another gone if you count to three. So love yourself and be the change you want to see. You should know it really wasn’t your fault that he hit you. The truth always has been something easily misconstrued. Life will never show mercy because of what you’re going through. So love yourself and be the change you want to see. In some places women still belong to someone else. There are countries full of children starving literally to death. They’re the reason why you can never give up on yourself. So love yourself and be the change you want to see. The only reason that you need is because you’re worth it all. Every part of you is beautiful, from your body to your soul. Discover the things in life that make your heart feel whole. Love yourself and be the change you want to see.
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I:
Fuck, I love my life. And I love saying fuck. I know it isn’t ladylike. I know that there is a fine line between edgy and inappropriate But it feels good. Feels free. II: Today I restocked my growing shelf of crystals and candles. They told me to be intentional so I threw out all your things. That old photograph of us.. Your favorite sweater. I don’t need keepsakes to remind me That you will never change. III: I saw the blood moon. Giant. Mesmerizing. It reminded me this city is big and I am small. A coffee shop can be found on every corner. I always suspected That’s where she’d find me. You.
Fuck you. I mean, love you. Need you. Miss you. Whoever said that leaving left only a hole is a liar. You weren’t a ball of now wrapped up in a corner of my heart. No. You were forever, sewn into the very lining. Part of you was what kept me together. Kept me sane. Kept me strong. Loving you made me feel invincible. Like I could leap from the tops of fucking mountains. And when you left. You didn’t leave just a hole. You ripped me open at the seams. Thread still intact so you could weave yourself into another. I arrived in California with a whisper in my ear.
“All you have to do is save the world, little Darling, have no fear.” Step by step, I climbed the mountaintop where stars all kissed the sky And found a place beyond the trees, where I began to try - I thought if I could save you, the world would be saved too. So, I picked a dozen flowers, and I carried them to you. "Take these flowers, breathe them in, and grow if you can." A tear rolled down your cheek with the flowers still in hand. "You stole a life." You said to me, as you plucked leaves from the stems. And wove a thread through every one and hung them in the wind. You must not take from those that need, you shan't give to those who merely want. It offsets the balance of the universe, and that balance is all we've got. Impulsive actions breed regret. I hadn't thought it through. The world was my mission, yet I was pining over you. I raised my voice beyond the skyline. Called out to the valleys below. Intelligence is freedom. They can't understand what they don't know. So down the mountain I began to trek, much slower than the climb. Treading lightly not to destroy the earth, her words fresh in my mind. The world is so much bigger than the spread of our four wings. In truth, I wasn't saving her - maybe she was saving me. (Inspired by Amy walker's "Tribe.")
“Free your soul. Find your tribe. Because life is wild.” She says. My heart is pounding. I am crazy. So is she. Together we run. Smoke billowing Through the air Circling us like Promises. These days are long But the weeks short And with you I am unstoppable. The ocean held us Arm in arm. And now it Tears us apart. But your faith Recognizes mine. It is a beautiful thing To keep without reason. Israel to Los Angeles I love you And I mean it. You are never alone. Miles nor years Could keep me from you. Memories are only A thought away. The plane engine roars, a reminder this is not my forever home.
You’re not here with me, but I still feel you resting on my arm. It’s strange how a face in the crowd that I’ve seen so many times, becomes the solitary face that I can’t get off my mind. You’re a mountain climbing gypsy, with flowers in your hair. A rough and tumble hipster, with intelligence to spare. Many times in history I’ve tried to shape the woman, wild and fair. But you have shown me that my wildest dreams still cannot compare. Never in my life did I think you could exist Until the night we laid in your bed answering questions from the list. As you approached the last one, you sighed with hesitation. You said quietly “It’s tough for me to get close to anyone.” A tear rolled off your cheek, as I struggled to breathe. Mesmerized by this woman whose soul was staring back at me. I pulled you against my chest, and held you while you cried. In awe of how much emotion rested beyond those deep brown eyes. You have this wall of separation that you’ve built around your heart. It’s the only thing you trust to keep you from falling apart. I’m not here to tear it down. I just want to be let in. To show you how much I care. To prove you’ll always have a friend. I know you don’t want to let me. I know you had rather walk away. And the distance makes it easier to let me go after today. But if you can find it in yourself to give this southern belle a chance, I know that I could show you something far more than just romance. It’s that day to day activity, a partner for everything. Falling for your best friend, even without a wedding ring. A promise to always be there, through the thick and through the thin. And to never let you feel that kind of broken pain again. You’re worth so much more than you’ve ever given yourself credit for. But I can’t be certain that anyone’s told you that before. You told me not to wait, and I said I wasn’t going to. But the truth is I’m not sure there’s anyone else out there like you. There’s a million ways you might take this. I’ve considered every one. From the hopeful “Yes, I feel it too,” to the “Holy shit” before you run. But that night you told me honesty was the most important thing. So, today I’ll take a chance with these words of poetry. It’s not the first time someone hasn’t shown up when they said they would, but it’s the first time that you’ve asked me out since we started fucking again. I grab the vegetables. Dice away, as I watch other people fall in love on television.
It is nighttime. I am alone. A text comes through from a beautiful woman that I dated when she was still a girl. We ended poorly, but she tells me that she doesn’t regret the time that we spent together. Neither do I. Her smile felt like sunshine. She was the closest thing that I’d ever found to home, but she was headed East and myself West, and time wasn’t slowing down for a weekend romance. She never knew I fell along the way. It’s been two months, and I still can’t close the blinds
or tear my watering eyes away from the door. I imagined your arrival so many times that my mind has started confusing it with a memory. I’d picture you standing there in my living room with your hair tied loosely in a bun, and your petite legs peeking out from underneath the hem of my tee shirt. Everyone tells me that it gets easier. That I’ll forget you over time, but I don’t want to. They say that the first month without you is the hardest, but I’ve found that every day that passes is harder to survive than the one before. There’s something missing along my neck just between my ear and shoulder. Years ago, that place held your head as you slept through a drive from Augusta to Boston. Now it cups my pillow and occasionally hosts the hands of a one night stand as they wrap angrily around, trying to squeeze the life back into me. Last night, I erased our names from the corner of my mirror where I had written them in red lipstick hoping it would stain the glass permanently. It didn’t. I wonder if it’s the meat or muscle memory that my heart is made of which holds you, stained, inside of me. In the beginning, I found you hiding the most beautiful parts of yourself. They were tucked neatly beneath your pride and respect for others, and when I asked you about them you covered them with a blanket of second guesses. It took months to know you, but only minutes to know that you were the other half to the rest of me. My parts were also covered beneath the fear of rejection, but when I see them sitting so closely next to yours I know that there is a place for them in this bright new world. We aren’t complicated. We are lovely. We aren’t broken. We are beautiful. Far more beautiful together than we have ever felt apart, because the light in your eyes shines over me like a hundred setting suns. And the passion between us clears away all of our doubts like an ocean breeze as it overwhelms us. Covers our skin like grains of sand, and fills even the deepest crevices. You have become a part of me. Like the wave will never leave the shore, I know that you and I are meant to be together. I find my heart beating stronger, each beat crashing into another, and you make me feel alive again. You, my precious lover, you make me feel again. Should we ever lose that feeling… should life, and the world’s fear of the unknown come between us… I ask not that you stay with me. In fact, I encourage you to go. Follow the miles away from here that lead you to the aquatic horizon. Bury your toes in the sand, and wait for me at the shoreline. I will meet you there. And as every wave crashes down, I hope that it reminds you of every time I’ve whispered “I love you.” I will take your hands in mine and fill the spaces between your fingers with my own. Because that is where they belong. Uncovered. Unashamed. Unapologetic. Darling, If ever you feel lost just meet me at the shore. "What is the point?” She asks me. Questions
shimmer behind her dark blue eyes. They remind me of a Tennessee river bed. I breathe in deeply. The smell of pine overwhelms my senses. I know by the quiver in her voice that she is asking about something so much deeper than the point of us. The point of this. Something far more complicated than most care to comprehend. She is asking about life. The very reason for our being. She wants to know why she exists. I am still far to young to have all of the answers, But I tell her what I know to be true. “The point is to improve. To create yourself, and leave the world around you better than you found it. And love… like it’s the last thing in the world that you will ever do. “ She takes it all in. It sounds so easy when you say it with confidence, but she knows by my lack of affection and fleeting glances that sometimes things really are easier said than done. |
Tennessee Martin
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